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Dear Death,
We’ll trade Dobby for Justin Bieber.Sincerely, the world
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UNCLE VERNON I DO NOT LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE LOOKING AT THAT COOKIE. YOU ARE LOOKING AT IT LIKE YOU MIGHT EAT IT IN ONE BIG CHOMP OR, WORSE, LIKE YOU MIGHT CRUSH IT IN YOUR FAT HAND OR DROP IT ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE YOU’RE SO HUNGRY BUT THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT THE WAY TO TREAT YOUR COOKIE. COOKIES ARE MEANT TO BE SAVORED BITE BY BITE AS YOU LET THE FLAVOR OF THAT DELICACY MELT IN YOUR MOUTH.
HAVEN’T YOU EVER THOUGHT HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE THAT COOKIE? HOW FORTUNATE? A BAG OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS DIED SO YOU COULD HAVE THAT COOKIE. THAT COOKIE COULD FEED AN AFRICAN FAMILY FOR NINE YEARS. BUT NO, THAT COOKIE IS YOURS. IT IS DISGUSTING HOW YOU GLARE AT IT INSTEAD OF LOOKING AT IT WITH LOVING CARESS IN YOUR EYES.
AND I DO NOT CARE HOW MANY LETTERS ARE COMING THROUGH YOUR CHIMNEY AND THROUGH YOUR EGG CARTONS. I DO NOT CARE IF THEY ARE FROM A MAGICAL SCHOOL WHERE YOUR NEPHEW WILL DEFEAT SOME STUPID LORDY THINGY. THINK OF THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE.
THINK OF THE COOKIE.
(via itsjustelvira)
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TWILIGHT THE MUSICAL?
THIS SHIT CANNOT BE REAL.
OH GODPLEASE DO NOT BE REAL.
PLEASE TELL ME THEY’RE AT LEAST INSULTING IT?!?
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oh shit you got me
this is true.
not even gonna lie, I fell for it, too.
Oh my god. True.
I was like WTF how is this relevant to anything? So I read the whole thing.
(via g4ryo4k)
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My mom bought me a Snuggie… >:D
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I talk to other boys so much more.
I hug other boys.
I laugh with them.
And yet…
The thing that keeps me up at night,
Is that one eye lock across the table with you…
</3
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Alejandro: Natasha!
Me: Don't call my name, don't call my name... ALEJANDRO!
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danikathelesbrarian | nessfraser | adelineandthebirdcage | thewetmale | missworld
Pro-Life is Anti-Woman — George Carlin
I. Love. George. Carlin.
“They will do anything for the unborn but once you’re born, you’re on your own.”
“Conservatives want live babies so they can have dead soldiers.”
“Not every ejaculation deserves a name!”
Oh, George Carlin.
Always relevant. :P
“If you’re pre-born, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.”
“You don’t see any of these pro-lifers volunteering to adopt a crack baby, do you? No, because that’s something Christ would do.”
Oh, George, you left us at precisely the wrong time…
“Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that they don’t want to know about you. They don’t want to hear about you.”
THIS. SO MUCH.
(via carl-hagelin)
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Today, my wife and I got into a fight. Tired of arguing, I jokingly told her I’d forgive her and drop the subject if she made me a sandwich. Five minutes later, she gave me a sandwich and a glass of lemonade. An hour later, I came down with incredibly violent bowel movements. She’d mixed a laxative into the juice. FML
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Let's Be Honest.: 6 Things That Ash Ketchum and Lord Voldemort Have in Common. →
How can one lovable protagonist and one antagonist that is the manifestation of evil be the same?
1. They Are Both Obsessed With a Nearly Impossible Goal.
Ash wants to become a Pokemon master, which seems like a mildly easy task in the first season. When there’s only one hundred and fifty…
… :O
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lol wow
(via pastelskullkid)
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Have you ever enjoyed playing 'Animal Crossing'? ...well, not after reading this. :S →
